Tuesday, May 10, 2016

What would you do?

What would you do?


Well, now that this is almost over, I feel I can share what we've been dealing with. The past 2 days have been HELL! Nattie went to school, I later received a call from the school about a " bump" on her head. They asked if I'd come look at her and talk with the principal. I'm thinking "no big deal, maybe she got in to a scuffle at school and they want to talk about it"
I show up there, there's a police officer and they ask me to sit an answer some questions. I agreed politely and started off with "listen, I don't know what's going on but I get the feeling this is serious. Just so you know, you have my full permission to talk to nattie and she'll be honest" the officer responded with "we've already done that" !!! She'd been in the office since 9:00am and I wasn't informed until 1:57 to come in! They'd been interviewing her for hours without my consent. I then asked to see this bump. They said "we'll get to that, you need to answer some questions first" again, I agreed, the officer asked his questions "do you know how she could have gotten hurt?" "How could you not notice it lastnight or this morning? " it was under her bangs and it was the size of a nickel, maybe. I understood what he was implying but remained calm and answered politely to all his questions for 30 minutes. I then asked AGAIN to see my child's "injury" finally they brought her in. Nattie looked exhausted and scared. As soon as she saw me her eyes got wet and she came to lean on me. The officer asked her to please step back so we could look at her. I assured her in a soothing voice that she was fine, I was fine, and that everyone is just trying to see what's up. She responded with "they keep asking me if you're nice to me" the officer cut her off and told her to focus on "the task at hand" so I asked her to let me see. I brushed her hair to the side and there I saw what looked like a swollen ZIT!! no bruising, only tender on the red dot area.

I expressed that opinion and the officer said "well, we still need to follow protocol, I've taken the liberty of contacting dhs and they're on their way" my mouth dropped open! I asked "are you serious?" He nodded and started going on about karly's law. Never explaining it, just stating that because of this law he had to photograph and that, from this moment on, I was to have no contact with nattie!! I start feeling a panic attack coming on. About that time an ambulance and a fire truck showed up. "It's just protocol, they're going to asses the injury" I was not allowed near. Everyone walking by looked in at me with this judging look. I just thought of that tiny room nattie was in, filling up with strangers and EMR. 10 people including the firemen, ambulance workers, the cop and the school counselor surrounded my child. About 20 minutes later Sam arrived as I had texted him. He came right away to support me but had no idea the severity of the situation, no one did! The lead ambulance person came in the room soon after. "So it looks to me like it may be an infected follicle or cyst" I took a deep breathe of relaxation! Far too soon, it would seem. Again the police officer stated "due to karly's law we still need that verified by a qualified doctor, so we're going to send her to Randall hospital." They still wouldn't let me see nattie, I kept asking the principle (real piece of work) "will you please go check on her, let her know that everything is fine and that I'm ok too?" Nattie was so concerned about what the stress was doing to me, the ambulance people told me she kept asking how I was. "You know my mom is 9 months pregnant, right? Is she ok, is she worrying too much?" Throughout this experience; Myself and Sam were her top concerns. How we were being treated! My kid is amazing and I felt so powerless to help her.
Finally about 40 minutes after the ambulance left, it's 4:00 a clock and the dhs lady shows up. She informs us that she'll be taking nattie to Randall hospital in HER car and that I cannot ride with them. Despite the emt reports and nattie's insistence that nothing was going on. So we got to walk out with her, I gave her a hug goodbye, assured her everything would be fine and that we would follow her there! She looked terrible frown emoticon the lady stuck her hand out and nattie just glared at her and veered left towards her car. She did not want her touching her. The car ride took about an hour due to traffic going in and out of portland. The whole time, nattie said she asked her "do you think your mom lies about her feelings to manipulate you?" "Are you SURE Sam or your mom have never touched you inappropriately? " "did they tell you not to be honest? Are you scared??" Nattie finally got upset and told her she should stop trying to make her say bad things. Even my 9 year old knew those were venomous, leading questions. She then guilt tripped her for putting her pregnant mother, who's done nothing wrong, through this stress. She told her she should be ashamed. Lol my girl...
We finally arrive at Randall and they allow nattie to sit with us in the waiting room, the officer was standing within 5 feet at all times listening to our every word. They called nattie back after 15-20 minutes. We were told to stay in the waiting area, that we would be kept informed on a need to know basis. About an hour in the officer comes out and says nattie will be going for a CT scan. I ask can I come back to see her. "No, not at this time" just as I was starting to panic again the nurse comes out and says "mom and sam, go ahead and come back" the officer says "now wait, is dhs ok with this?" The lady looked irritated and said "it's fine, they can come back" turns out they had been trying to get nattie to agree to an analgenital exam and a breast exam that WHOLE time. She kept saying "NO" to the male doctor but nattie said he kept trying! So she lost her marbles and said THIS "No!! Get my mom in here, I want my mom or its about to get CRAZY!!!" LOL never been so proud! She finally stood up for herself and she refused. Her fear turned in to assertive anger. From that moment on we were with her. That was 7:00pm. We didn't get out of that hospital until 10:30pm. After a long wait to be told that it is most likely a follicle, an interview with the hospital equivalent of dhs called "cares" and despite the hospitals findings, the emt assessment and nattie's out right denial; they scheduled a home visit!! We didn't get home until 12:00 or 12:30. Nattie was so exhausted that she crashed halfway laying on the couch in her clothes.
This has been horrific! And there's nothing we can do about it!!! We went to see nattie's pcp and she confirmed the diagnosis too. I faxed that to dhs, they closed our case but "cares" still has an open case for us. The dhs home visit went well, I suppose. We're so emotionally exhausted. Nattie sam and I have had a rough couple days. It's just a miracle this tummy hasn't popped! My contractions have gotten worse, I feel so sooo tired all the time. Sam missed work, worst of all; nattie felt victimized! In the process of trying to prove she'd been sexually abused they tried to sexually abuse her!! Karly's law is crazy!! They give "Reasonable suspicion" as an indefinable loose definition. They don't give any guidelines for "Reasonable suspicion" it's essentially "if you think so" no proof required. And the state is immune from accountability! Nothing we can do for the trauma nattie went through. NO ONE is responsible! As long as they catch 1 real abuser out of 100 they feel the ends justifies the means! Sam and I aim to stop that. We're going to petition the state of oregon to DEFINE guidelines for "Reasonable Suspicion" so, be looking for future posts on how you can help make that happen and please keep us in your thoughts. I'm so proud of my little girl. If I can't get justice for her Sam and I are, at least, going to try and change the law for her and other children out there. No child should have to fear getting ripped from their homes everytime they get a zit! Nattie believes all of this is her fault! We've assured her it's not. I think changing this law would help make her feel amazing and Sam and I are going to do everything within our power to do that for her. And with everyone's help, we may just be able to.


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