Top 10 Running Jokes
Whether it’s a crack, joke, or list, running humor is wide and varied. Funny jokes about runners and great marathon spectator signs are sure to get at least a giggle from the most staunch of runners. Here’s the top running humor from around the internet.
1. Marathon Signs
Marathon runners are plagued by monotony during the race and funny signs from spectators are always helpful. Keeping a good sense of humor during a race will get you through that marathon more than you think. Here’s some of the most popular signs:
- Run like you stole something
- I’m sure it seemed like a good idea 4 months ago
- Worst parade ever
- You’ve got stamina! Call me!
- Pain now…beer later
An equally hilarious phenomena are running shirts with quirky or funny messages. Not only can you express your inner-most sarcastic thoughts, everyone else can enjoy it as well. Here are some popular shirt messages:
- See Dick run. See Jane run faster.
- Athletes run. Everyone else just plays games.
- Why are all these people following me?
- Running is a mental sport…and we’re all insane!
- I run like a girl…try to keep up
This type of joke has a longstanding Internet presence. Not only is it funny but it’s incredibly true. Only a runner would laugh and go, “Yeah, so true!” So, you know you’re a runner when…
- you’ve lost a toenail and you tell people, “It’s not that bad!”
- you smirk when non-runners ask, “So how long is this marathon?”
- you go into Starbucks more often to use the bathroom than to buy coffee
- you get a wedding invitation and automatically think what race the date conflicts with
- you have nightmares about showing up for a race late or not wearing any clothes
4. Funny Running Quotes
Some actual humor from actual professional runners.
“If you start to feel good during an ultra, don’t worry, you’ll get over it.” -Gene Thibeault
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.” -Franklin Jones
“I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.” -Wendy Leibman
“It’s the road signs, “Beware of Lions.” -Kenyan distance runner Kip Lagat, on why his country produces so many great runners
5. What Not To Say To Runners
Another joke list, what not to say to runners, is a hilarious compilation that let’s everyone know what ticks runners off the most. That being said:
What not to say to runners…
- Why didn’t you beat your time from last year?
- I get tired driving that far
- Running will ruin your knees!
- I did a marathon once-it was one of those 5k ones!
6. Funny Comments Made To Runners
“When I told my friend I was running a half-marathon they asked, ‘Which half are you running? The first or second?’” -Ann
“I once had someone ask me, ‘How long is the New York Marathon?’ and I responded, ‘It’s a marathon…26.2 miles.” And then the follow-up to that is, ‘How long is the Boston Marathon?’” -Melissa
“A woman I know, who by the way is a nurse, told me that running is so bad for me and said that my uterus was going to fall out. Really? I then responded to her, ‘Well, then I’ll just kick it to the curb and keep going. At 48 years old, I don’t really need it anyway.’” -Dawn
“I went into a sports shop and picked up a pair of trainers. The assistant asked if I needed help. ‘I wondered if these are for overpronators,’ I said. ‘No madam,’ replied the assistant, “they’re for runners.” -Siance
7. A Beginner At Jogging
Having decided to take up jogging, a man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoes, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk, “What is this little pocket thing here on the side for?” And the clerk answered, “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
8. The Gas Company Joke
Two gas company service men, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, an old woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men check her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alleyway back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger guy. As they came running up to the truck, they discovered the old lady from the last house was huffing and puffing behind them in her housecoat and slippers. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath and holding her wig in place, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”
9. The Running Prime Minister And The Lady Of The Night
It’s a little known fact that Tony Blair is a runner. For security reasons he goes running very early in the morning, before dawn breaks. One morning, while running up Whitehall he runs past a lady of the night.
“Fifty quid,” she shouts.
“Make it a fiver,” Tony replies with a chuckle and runs on.
The next morning, she’s there again.
“Fifty quid!”
He calls back, “Make it a fiver,” and runs on. This goes on for a week until one morning Cherie wakes up and announces she’s joining her husband for a run. They got out and run up Whitehall, where they pass the same lady of the night.
“See!” she calls out. “That’s what you get for a fiver!”
10. The Olympic Medalist And The Bouncer (True Story)
Michael Johnson, the Olympic Gold Medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends. At the door the bouncer turned to him and said, “Sorry mate, you can’t come in here; no denim allowed.” Michael was quite annoyed by this and retorted, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Michael Johnson.” To which the bouncer replied, “Then it won’t take you long to run home and change.”
Keep laughing runners and post your own jokes in the comments section below!
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